


allow myself to want

by gekijougai



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Pre-Calamity (Legend of Zelda), Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:54:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gekijougai/pseuds/gekijougai
Summary: “You’re an idiot, aren’t you? Coming to me instead of—instead of knowing what’s good for yourself.”
Relationships: Link/Revali (Legend of Zelda)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	allow myself to want

**Author's Note:**

> was in the mood for angst (again).

Link knows the repercussions of his actions, but he can’t bring himself to care.

No one else would treat him like this. Revali’s roughness is everything Link wants, but Link knew from the beginning that he isn’t _supposed_ to want. The moment he pledged his life to the royal family, he was tied to the princess and he shall fall for her when the time comes.

For just a moment, Link just wants this fleeting moment for himself.

He cannot deny his destiny. He knows his place, his role in the world, and he would fulfill it without hesitation, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t human.

And if Goddess Hylia will punish him for it, then so be it.

-

There was no beginning to it. Link and Revali came to each other with a silent act of knowing, their desire for _something_ that sparked slowly between them until they had their hold on each other like a vice grip. Nights in which wounds and bruises would find themselves in places where they shouldn’t be.

Is this what catharsis is? The pleasure in the pain, when Link’s heart eases with the product of Revali’s anger and envy? 

_Masochism,_ the word finds its way into Link’s head when Revali’s too rough handling of him makes him sigh like he has fallen in love. 

He could give himself to Revali like this, and Revali would take him the way Link would want him to. A mutual exchange, of sorts.

But this is their secret. The nights behind everyone else is their secret, when Zelda would dismiss Link and Link would find himself in Revali’s painful, welcoming wings and let himself be _free_ even under Revali’s sharp words and sharper beak. 

“Atrocious,” Revali says under his breath, his feathers ghosting Link’s skin and it makes him shudder. “Reckless, and just _stupid._ ” Link’s silent gasps cut off Revali’s line of thought, and it’s good like this. If only for a brief moment, they could be like this, away from everything and his doomed destiny looming over him. Revali’s words and insults don’t hurt in a way that demeans Link, but instead, it hurts him because Revali’s clouded jealousy will never allow him to see Link the way Link sees him.

But… it’s good. It’s all good like this. Because he can’t allow himself this happiness, especially not as the champions who will look at death in the eye. That’s their only choice.

“To think they entrusted Hyrule on you, and yet you’re here letting yourself be dragged by me.” Revali spits the words at him like venom. He doesn’t feel the weight of the world on his shoulders, not now. Not when Revali’s aggression pulls him into a high that makes his body shake with _want,_ with his raspy voice begging for more until it hurts. He would let the ache in his chest materialize into tangible pain, one that can’t be brought by combat or sparring.

Link’s back arches before he could respond, his grip on Revali’s shoulder getting tighter by the second. “Then you’d stop if you— _ah_ if you really think so—”

But Revali doesn’t stop, only making Link shut up until his words turn into indiscernible syllables, until his breathy moans turn into his name, _Revali, Revali, please, oh please_ _—_

He returns to him as Revali as his touches turn slower and gentler. His shaking hand cradles his face as places a pathetic kiss on the side of his beak, liking how his breath hitches at the contact.

He lets him go, and before Link could reach out to him, Revali leaves him in the dark.

  
  


-

It’s easy to hide it, but Zelda is much more observant than Link gives her credit for. He curses inwardly, but he wouldn’t talk. His only work is to protect her, and nothing else.

“You shouldn’t push yourself, Link.”

Link pretends not to hear her. The sword in his grasp slices through the air in expert precision. That will show her that he’s fine.

But it doesn’t get past Zelda. She knows, somehow. She just does, and Link just wants it to stop. She takes Link’s wrist and everything goes still. 

She eyes the bloomed bruise that creeps slightly above his tunic. He can say it’s from battle, but her all-knowing eyes say something else.

“I’m here, Link,” She tries to say, but she doesn’t know what she’s referring to, because she _can’t._ “If there’s anything I can do to help…”

She’s stubborn, just like him. Maybe that’s why they finally warmed up to each other. But she’s not Revali. He wants to apologize, almost, because even in Zelda’s comfort, he cannot lay himself bare to her. He cannot let her see his burdens, because she has enough on her shoulders, too.

There is no one else that has heard his voice as of late except Zelda and Revali. He would make it stay that way because no one else needs to be burdened anymore.

“I will be fine.” Link reassures, adding nothing else. The look on Zelda’s face is pained, but she doesn’t pry.

-

“Mipha wants to marry me.”

He knew how those words would affect Revali. He sees him go still under the dim light of the Flight Range, letting the gusts be the only sound alongside their breathing. He’s not sure if he admitted them just so it can make him hurt, but his voice doesn’t stop him. There’s nothing else to hide from him.

He tries to hide the spite in his voice, but as Revali knows Link, Link knows him, too. “Well? Why are you still here?”

How can’t he see it? How can’t he see that there it’s not possible, not in this climate they’re in? That’s why Link is with Revali despite the pain, the heartache. Because he would allow himself the fulfillment of want that he can’t have in the long run.

“Mipha doesn’t deserve me if she knows what I’m doing behind her back.” Link bites back bitterly before pulling Revali closer to him, rubbing his nose against his beak. He knows that’s not the answer Revali was looking for, but he’ll settle with that.

Revali is rendered speechless and just grabs Link into the Flight Range’s hammock. 

“You’re an idiot, aren’t you? Coming to me instead of—instead of knowing what’s good for yourself.”

 _You don’t know what’s good for me._ The exhaustion is catching up to Link, but he doesn’t dare back down. He shakes under Revali’s grip and he wants to blame it on the cold.

It’s not like Revali also knows what’s good for himself. If he knows so well, calling him stupid and all, he would have pushed him away. He would have stopped both of them before it got worse. He wouldn’t have allowed Link to collapse on top of him in all those nights, where their hearts too asynchronous for each other beat loudly in his ears.

“I know what I want,” Link says, though he’s not sure if he really knows himself anymore. But Revali doesn’t have to know, and Link figures if he can withhold his words and his emotions all this time, he can shove past this horrible feeling in favor of this present— _them,_ him and Revali in this lonely place, because that’s what all they knew, isn’t it?

Link cries, and Revali doesn’t even look at him.

**Author's Note:**

> please find healthier ways to deal with your problems. no, it's not by finding people with the same problems and enabling each other's self-destructive tendencies.


End file.
